I'm imploding, I promise...

I think if you are open to the Holy Spirit, you will always be learning something. Right now I feel like there are a bunch of lessons He is trying to teach me. At times it can be overwhelming to be dying in so many areas of flesh, like I am going to burst into a million pieces because of what is happening in my heart, but that does not happen. I am still exactly the same on the outside. You would not guess any of this by looking at me.

A little run down:

- First of all I am learning how to wait. Not to move or make a decision or shut down my heart because the future is not clear. Giving time and God permission to answer my questions slowly.
- I am also learning how to trust. This is a lesson that will take a life time to learn, I know that. It’s not new, but deeper then before. I am trying to give Jesus my entire heart probably for the first time ever. In the past I have always thought and told God He had all of me, but I still kept the deepest parts of me hidden and reserved for only me. The deepest parts hurt the most when you give them over to the light, not because they are evil, but so sensitive to being exposed.
- Choosing to love friends who do not love me back. Trying to love with no expectation.
- Did I mention trust? This is so hard!!
- Then there is me trying to unlearn the lies I believe about God. It’s all those life experiences that want to form a belief system in my soul about who Jesus is. I want to believe that God is who He says He is. Amen.
- Prayer can change things. About a month ago I prayed for this girl all morning while she was HAVING an abortion in another state. She is a friend of mine’s co-worker. Yeah, it’s been a month and she recently went to the doctor and she is still pregnant. This is unbelievable. Please pray with me that she will make the right choice and not get another abortion.